New Found Hope

I've recently moved from Ohio to Florida and have had a lot of changes in my emotional stability. I've been happier and able to fend off my depression that comes along with my chronic pain easier and it has me thinking "What could be causing this change?" It can't just be the change in weather or scenery although those things do help I'm sure. Being able to be closer to nature and not have to lock myself indoors 6 months out of the year to stay out of the cold is of course a big help but there is more. I can feel it inside. There has been a shift in my energy, in my familys energy. I can feel it around me like tiny surges of electricity. How can these amazing changes be happening since I left all my friends, my family, my home, the life I knew for so many years? What is happening here that was not happening there amongst so many that I loved and held dear to my heart?
Something pops into my head that a friend told me once. People will try to keep you where you are. They don't like it when you step out of your norm and will try to bring you back there. They may not even realize what they're doing but they just know that they don't like what is happening. You try to better yourself or begin growing and learning. Those that are not growing and learning or don't embrace that don't want others surpassing them or playing different roles in their lives than the roles they have been playing. If you don't submit to their pleas they will begin pushing you out of their lives because you no longer fit where they want you to. I think that this makes sense to me in this situation because I saw these things happening around me in the months before I left and I know its happened before. Every time I would try to learn and grow I would feel resistance from certain people around me. I succumbed to them several times, falling back into my old ways. My old destructive patterns. Slipping right back into the pain that I had been trying to let go of. Towards the last couple months before I left it seemed to be happening again but I refused to succumb. Then once I moved I was able to continue my path toward bettering myself. No one knew me or my past. I wasn't seeking anyones approval but my own. I was able to truly be me and I liked who I was...who I am, who I will be. No one was there to try to put me back in my place. My husband was there but he was in the same place as me. Wanting to be himself and learn and grow with his family.
I have also escaped the pity that was put on me with my chronic pain disorder. There were those who supported me, those who, understood or showed understanding, and those who showed me sympathy or pity. Support and understanding are amazing tools to use to help others in their journey no matter what life throws at them but pity...well pity keeps us stuck. Pity doesn't help us out of holes we've dug ourselves into, or heal our pain, depression, or anguish. Pity lets it fester. Helps you stay stuck in that hole or seclude ourselves with the pain. Which as anyone with pain knows its easy to seclude yourself and just live with your pain if your not careful. You allow the pain to become your friend...as sick as that sounds. You get comfortable with it and then don't know how to live without it. Not that you could even if you wanted to. Then the pity..."Poor poor Missy. She suffers sooo much. How sad a life she will have. What a dismal existence." When you hear these words enough, you begin to believe them. You let them become part of you. What a dismal existence indeed. This is not what God wants for me. He doesn't want me to just accept my suffering, my sadness. We are meant to overcome it. Pain is another obstacle, another opportunity to grow. It is in fact, a gift. I know, I know. What a way to think of something that brings so much suffering but the fact is we can choose how to live with it or better yet overcome it.
I think this pity that I was getting from so many was one thing holding me down. Helping me stay in that place of darkness and dismalness. Now don't get me wrong...I do not blame anyone for my being unhappy in Ohio. The fact is what I'm discovering is that it wouldn't have mattered in what state I lived. It seems the move was just a great transition for me to help me break out of my "dismal existence." True not being around it and hearing it or feeling it from others makes it easier to stay focused on overcoming my pain but I don't fault them for their way of dealing with what I was experiencing. Its hard for those who don't experience it to know how to comfort or feel about those that do. Even here I have had some moments where I sense others having a difficult time knowing how to feel about it. But honestly its not their burden to bear. They don't have to understand it. Yes, being supportive and understanding is definitely something a good friend or family member should do for their loved ones in times of crisis but some people just don't have the ability to deal with things like that very well. Having said that it is a great opportunity for those friends and family members to grow and learn by practicing being supportive and understanding. Asking questions, gaining knowledge, connecting with another persons soul. I have not yet felt pity from those around me now so maybe this is God allowing me to see something I had not seen before. How harmful pity can be and how uplifting a little understanding can be. Like there are fans in the background pushing me to keep going. And even if I have to fall a lot, which I kinda do, I will get back up and I will get out of that bed and I will continue my journey.

So, in conclusion, I have decided that yes, the weather and the beauty of Florida has great appeal, but ultimately I really think that maybe its all the success of this new and exciting path I've been given, the faith I have had through it, and the hope I have for tomorrow. May God bless your journey. Namaste.