Intolerance is Intolerable

   Those of you that know me, know how much I love to read. Mostly romance, paranormal, and mystery are my favorites. But not many know that along with those books I enjoy reading books on all religions, history, spirituality, mythical, etc. These are the books that keep me at the library huddled up on the floor searching for my truth and whatever knowledge my soul wants to soak up.
    We can't know what we believe until we've learned enough about a situation to make an educated decision.So I read. My decisions are often based on a feeling I get. After learning comes thinking about it, then praying/meditating about it. I absorb that which I feel and believe has been shown to me for a reason. My decision is made because its what feels right to me. What I feel inside myself on that issue. This is why everyone believes the way they do. It is what feels right to them. Our differing of opinions comes from different things feeling right/wrong to different people. Those differences make us who we are, separates us from others, or brings us together with others. Knowing these things I find it difficult to understand why we are all trying to change everyone else and make them believe the way we believe.
    So as I'm reading about different religions and cultures I am keeping this question in mind. One of the things that got me questioning all that I was taught to believe as a child in the first place was the judgement I began to see. I was taught not to judge others yet everywhere I looked, especially in the many churches I attended and from the people in my life, I saw judgement every day, from everyone. I didn't understand how so many people could believe in something, like not judgeing others, yet still continue to do so....in Gods name! They wanted everyone to be the same, believe the same. And those that didn't believe as they did were called heathens, blasphemers, whores, liars, etc. Things like "so and so is going to hell because he's gay." or "poor suzie, how horrible of a person she must be to have lied to her husband" or "we must save them, they obviously don't believe in God, they don't go to church." Now of course I quickly realized at a young age that this and other judgement had always been around and wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. People have been judging others, in God or Country's name since the beginning of time. People burnt woman at the stake, raided and pillaged entire towns, murdered entire tribes of people in the name of God and Country for crying out loud! Why? Because they believed differently. What do you think is really going on right now in this horrible war!?
   So ya..I get it. Everyone living some wonderful peaceful existence is a pipe dream. Life sucks and it can be brutal. But do we have to make it worse by being so intolerant of others. We all go through some horrible things in our lives. We're all capable of a lot worse things than we're willing to admit to. We all have a dark side. Yes, we all have a dark side. Its a balance. All life needs balance. Good and evil, God and Satan, Yin and Yang, Jekyl and Hyde. Its a part of life. We all have good and bad in us and the bad is just as necessary to us as the good. It again makes us who we are and balances us out. 
    Even Christians believe that none of us are without sin yet they continue, as do so many, to pick at the sins of everyone else. There are scriptures a plenty on not throwing stones at glass houses yet we continue to do so. I continue to see preachers driving around in cars with signs on them saying that all Buddhists, Hindus, Muslims, gays, and sinners are going to hell. Ya, that's a helpful tactic to pull people to your cause. I still see postings in the news of entire churches protesting at funerals of fallen hero's that just so happened to be gay. I find it not only sad but infuriating that we can talk and act like we're this superior country yet people are allowed to bombard and verbally attack others because they are different.
  On facebook yesterday I posted a quote from a Hindu teacher that I read in a book on Hinduism. "If all roads lead to Rome, all religions lead to God. Why should I insult your beliefs by saying God can't use your religion to call you to Him? God will still find a way to illuminate your life." This was the quote I had been waiting to read. As soon as I read it I knew there was a reason for me to see it. There are those out there that do believe as I do. That realize our differences in our paths are not hindrances to God. He can find us anywhere, anyway, anytime. Other than our faith in what we believe, we have no way of knowing if our way is the right way or not. It is just our way. We just have to do the best with what we have and listen to that voice inside of us. We all have a different path but in the end, all paths lead to God. It doesn't matter if one persons path is led in the Hindu religion, anothers in Christianity, anothers path led by looking within.
     No religion has cornered the market in heaven! It is there for us all! We all have the potential to find enlightenment in our own way if that is what we wish to pursue and if that is what God wants from us. God does not need you to believe in a certain religion to find you and bring you home. He is omnipotent! He is infallible! He is a part of us!  How arrogant for us to think anything else! 
     Don't get me wrong in my rantings about religions. I think that any way God chooses to bring people to Him is wonderful. I don't fault Christians or any other religion for believing the way they do. I was brought up in Presbyterian and Methodist churches myself and for most of my childhood I never questioned what I was taught. It was fact to me. I have great respect for anyone who has found their faith and have a strong belief in what is right for them. It is when they start pushing their beliefs and ideals on me and others that I get upset. Its when I'm judged as not being a complete person because I don't go to church every Sunday. When I'm called a heathen because I don't send my daughter to church every Sunday. It is no one elses business what I believe or what I choose to teach my daughter. If you want to know what I believe or have a respectful, adult conversation about it I'm happy to sit down and do that. I welcome it. Maybe we'll both learn something. But you can't look at one area of a person's life and make a judgement call about who they are.
    I am teaching my daughter the best way I know how. She has been in Christian churches often in her young life with me and other family and I continue to teach her about what Christians believe. I also teach her about all other religions and what they believe. I encourage her to read and learn all that she can about God and religions and other cultures. She knows that someday she will be able to make her own decision on what she will believe and what she wants to pursue. I am here to guide her in how to make good decisions. Not to make her mind up for her.  She is on her own path toward God.
   I feel like I'm coming a long way in my search for truth. I have come to realize that there are just some questions that will never be answered. I have learned that Buddhism was not actually intended to be a religion but a way of life. I have learned that peace and acceptance comes from within. I learned that the majority of Hindus are born, not made. I have learned that I don't need to look outside of myself for answers from God if I just quiet myself and listen for His words. I now believe that God is still God no matter what religion He is labled with. I have accepted the fact that I will never be able to please everyone and that I don't want to. I have come to a place where I am not only content and happy with who I am but I really like me too. I am working every day towards being a better wife and mother, a more loving and compassionate friend, a more open and understanding daughter, and just a better, happier me. 
   Our paths will take us through many ups and downs and as we mature and grow our thoughts and feelings on things change often. Hopefully we learn from our downs and the changes in our lives are positive. It's not that way for everyone though. All I can do for me to keep things changing for the better is exactly what I've been doing so thats what I'm going to do. I will keep reading and learning. I will continue to surround myself with amazing strong, loyal, and loving people that embrace my differences and don't criticize them. I will give thanks where thanks is deserved. I won't take the good things in my life for granted. I will not allow the criticism of others to bring me down or make me feel less than. I will pray and meditate, maybe in front of a cross, or maybe in front of my statue of Buddha or maybe in the middle of a field of flowers. Either way it is God I'm praying to, not the cross, the flowers, or the statue. I will keep moving forward. 
   I still have many questions unanswered and still find it frustrating that my beliefs don't fit with any one religion but as I've said here today maybe it doesn't matter. God doesn't need me to claim a specific religion to bring me home. He's already in my heart and guiding me in my life. I know that because I feel it. So...maybe for now I can let go of trying to find a church I can belong to because God and I are doing pretty well on our own. I was only stuck on that because I kept hearing everyone tell me I needed to find a church. Well, I'm not listening to anyone else anymore. How can I go to a church when I only believe in half of what they're teaching me. I can't. It's like a republican going to a democrat rally. You can't make someone believe in something that just doesn't sit right with them. Our differences are beautiful, embrace them. Take a look into that other person's life that you find yourself judging and see if you can find understanding rather than intolerance. Instead of shoving your beliefs down someone else's throat try listening to what they believe in or just be an example of the faith you have found in your life. Coexist with those around you and stop the hate from leaking out of your hearts and mouths. Encourage instead of criticize. You never know, one little word or one chance meeting could change your life forever.
    Well, I've carried on long enough. I hope that my search helps even just one person in their own search. I apologize if anyone feels offended in any way to my thoughts and feelings. I am not trying to attack anyone, just trying to find a better understanding in my life. I hope that your paths are blessed and that you are strong enough to handle it when they are not. Namaste my friends. Missy Sue

On a side note, here are some books that I have found helpful in my search if you are interested:
The Path to Love by Deepak Chopra****
7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra****
Jesus by Deepak Chopra****
The Complete Idiots Guide to Hinduism by Linda Johnsen****
The Art of Happiness by The Dalai Lama
The Shack by Wm. Paul Young****
In the Meantime by Iyanla Vansant****
The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield****
The Bible
The Koran
A Course in Miracles
World Religions by Robert Pollock
Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh
Buddhism without Beliefs by Stephen Batchelor
The Confidant Woman by Joyce Meyer
The Secret Language of Signs by Denise Linn
Return to Love by Marianne Williamson****

****Those that are starred were true favs of mine. There are plenty more but I can't remember all the titles.

A middle of the night Inspiration

Yes...my own personal hell. Right there in my bedroom. At 1:30 in the morning I was sitting in the chair in the corner of my room watching the rest of the house sleep away while I was...well...I was in my own personal nightmare. My entire body was buzzing and aching. My hands and head were throbbing and my neck hurt so bad it was screwing all my thought processes. So of course, I was also spiraling down my hole of depression as well. I was pushing myself to think of something positive. Anything to get my mind off what was going on with my body. It's amazing how hard it is to think of something positive when you're in that much pain. Although I have a lot of great things in my life the only thing I could bring to mind was the little walk I took with my little girl earlier in the evening. Once I got that thought I just kept trying to hold on to it.

I was sitting there covered in ice packs trying to stretch the pain away and willing my body to give me some peace. All at once the positive thought went away and the panic began. That feeling where you don't think you're going to be able to take much more, that moment right before the tatoo artist lifts his gun, that moment when you feel a loss so severe that you would rather die than live without them, that moment when you realize there's someone following you down that dark alley. Pure panic. That's the moment I prayed. It's all I could do. "Please Lord, please just take away some of it. I'm about to lose my grip on sanity. Please, just some of it."

And He did. I've begged many times before. Trust me, I've been on my hands and knees begging God to take this away from me many many times but its never happened. But for some reason He saw fit to help me last night. As soon as I finished my prayer the extreme pain in my neck lessened. Of course it wasn't taken away but just having that small relief was enough to get rid of the panic and allow me to fall asleep. Although everything else still hurt a wash of warmth and peace drifted over me and I just let go and finally slept. As exhausted as I am this morning as I was up well past 2, I am also feeling very thankful today. He heard me. He heard me and He without a doubt brought me some peace. Even if it was just long enough for me to find rest.

Now, I am not much of a church goer. In fact, as much as I believe and pray, I personally don't have much use for church. Mostly because of my views on religion in general. But I know God. I know He's blessed me in my life. And I know He sent me a reminder of His presence last night. Sometimes I feel lost and abandoned, but last night God showed me I was His, and although He isn't going to heal me, for His own reasons, He wanted me to know I wasn't alone in that prison. He was with me. And He had my back.

I know its hard for people that don't have my problems to understand how hard it can be but I had to share my story. Hope is one of the only things that keeps me going and at times I lose that hope, but its with me now and I hope that by me writing this someone else will find the hope that they've lost.

For my friends that live in the same chronic pain, I want you to remember that we are not weak. We were given this life because someone felt we were strong enough to handle it. We are warriors. We may not fight with guns or swords but we are warriors none the less. Much of our lives have been taken from us but we can keep fighting for the life that we have left. The bad times may be a lot and very bad but the good times are also better for us. Cherish the good times and fight for them. Their all we have. Gentle hugs. Missy Sue

Coming together

I'm not really feeling philosophical today but I have some thoughts about this weekend I want to share.

I have spent many weekends with friends in my life. Great, wonderful, and loving friends. This weekend was like that only....more somehow. Through my husbands love for Jeeps we have joined a jeep club and have gotten to know them all over the last several months. We've had bbq's, party's, weekends at the lake, and just relaxing hang out time. We have met some really great people but until this weekend I don't think I realized how great.

We have always found great friends in our lives to spend time with and connect with but in the past when it has come to us needing help of some kind or having a birthday party for one of us there has only been a select 1 or 2 that we could really count on. My birthdays have always pretty much sucked party wise cause its so close to New Years. My biggest party that my husband threw for me when I turned 21....2 people showed up. 2. It's also been the same when we need help with anything big. 1 or 2 showed. Regardless of how many times we've shown up to help the others. 

This weekend on the other hand was amazing. We had a great turnout of people that came together to help us get our lift on our Jeep. Even those who couldn't make it were available to answer questions and root us on. Those who could stayed all day long not leaving till midnight to help make sure the job got done. These guys really came through for us as they seem to do whenever anyone in the club needs help with anything. And when Alex was still working his tail off Sunday to finish everything by himself, one of the guys that had been here all day the day before showed up and helped Alex finish it all.

To some with large families or large groups of friends this may be normal but for us it was a real blessing. We have never had such a large group of people come together for us before like this and I am so greatful to not only have them but to have been a part of such an awesome project. 

I in no way discount our other friends here or in Ohio and around the country because we love you all and have depended on you plenty. This weekend was just amazing to me though. As each Jeeper pulled up to my house my heart filled more and more with thanks and joy knowing that these people were here to help us. Us. The time that I have spent with them all the last few months has brought so much joy to my life. 


I have felt loneliness often in my life even in a room filled with friends and family but not with them. When I spend time with them I feel like my chronic pain doesn't matter, my constant fight with depression doesn't matter, my quirkiness doesn't matter, my past mistakes don't matter, none of it matters. I am not judged or ridiculed, left out or looked down on. I am just a part of the crew and I'm welcomed there. I'm even wanted there. To some this may be silly cause they don't have my same issues but to me this is an awesome feeling and I will not take it for granted.


It is not the quantity of friends you have but the quality is a phrase I usually live by but this weekend and since our first meeting with the Legion at Jeep Beach in Daytona it seems we have had both. Our Jeep family has shown me that it is possible to have friends you can not only connect with and have fun with but you can also count on to be there whenever you need them and not just when its convenient for them. Sometimes truth can be shown to you in just the simple lifting of a Jeep. Truth is everywhere people, so keep your eyes open. You just might learn something that you can treasure for the rest of your life.

Dark Poem

This is a somewhat dark poem I wrote a couple weeks ago. I try to be positive about life but there are times when you just have to let the darkness out of you. I was in a low place with my pain the day I wrote this. If your looking for something to help you feel good this is not the post to read but honestly I have not been able to write poems of a positive nature in a very long time.


My stomach turns inside out
The depths of despair diminishing my soul
The utter hopelessness dragging me to the breaking point
While the only life left within me is sucked into the abyss

Fighting the battle to yet survive
I continue
Clawing my way through each passing hour
Each passing day
Blindly reaching for a surface that never seems to break

I put my hand out to the constant pain that holds me prisoner
I beg for its mercy and ask it to release its hold
Only to find it's grip tighter
Holding even stronger

It snarls at me and asserts itself
Reminding me I am its eternal slave
I am no longer free
I am trapped

My stomach turns inside out
The depths of despair diminish my soul
The hopelessness drags me to the breaking point
And the only life left in me is sucked into the abyss
I am no more

Went to the beach today. What a beautiful day for it. Days like this help me connect to not only God but His creations. As the water washes over me I think about how powerful it really is. It has an amazing gift to heal you yet could take your life as well. I see that in so much of nature. Wind can be a raging tornado or hurricane that can destroy anything in its path but it can also be the relief you need from the heat, the cool breeze that makes you close your eyes and breath it in. Rain can flood entire regions and as we've all seen...destroy lives, but it can also give life to plants, animals, us, and be an amazing dance partner.
These are just a few examples of the amazing power of nature. I felt and saw so many of these examples today as I soaked in the warm sun, breathed in the brisk cool wind, and sat in the refreshing water. I felt so connected with God and mother nature. You can have days like this everyday. All you have to do is find you quiet spot with nature and take it in. Feel how alive the trees are and appreciate their shade. Watch the squirrels play together and the butterflies dancing through the air. Close your eyes and appreciate the soothing blowing of the wind. Each time you do this you will feel that connection. Do the same at home with your friends and families and love and appreciate them in the same ways. God gives us so many things to fill up our energy and keep us focused on what is really important. That which the Lord hath made.

Had a great weekend with my family. Provoked a lot of thought. My mom was visiting from Ohio and we spent some time with my aunt, uncle, and cousins in Orlando. All these beliefs I've been questioning in myself surfaced a lot during a conversation with my aunt and I'm really looking for some guidance from God here. I have always believed in Jesus, the holy trinity, but have had some question as to what is really behind the stories. Some believe in Jesus as their savior, others don't believe in him at all, and others believe in Him as a prophet similar to Buddha. I am truly finding myself confused on this issue. It is not a trivial issue that you can get wrong. Jesus is definately in my heart and I have believed in His story with every fiber of my being but one day something inside me stopped me in my tracks when I saw a sign talking about Jesus and started me thinking. Things started flashing through my head. Jesus pictures on the wall, crosses with Jesus suffering as He's dying, Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Jesus is the way, the truth, and the light, Jesus...everywhere. These are all things that are wonderful and put smiles on the faces of Christians. The question in my heart became...What about God?
What about God? Ok, I know, supposedly they are supposed to be one but it is not portrayed that way. In the beginning of the Bible it is all about God...Then Jesus His son is born. Jesus talks and shares all about God and explains His love for us. Teaches us that that the greatest thing in life is love. So Christianity decides that it is now all about worshipping Jesus as our savior for dying so that we can be forgiven of our sins. I know that they include God as the holy trinity and God is a presence in the church but I am just having a hard time with the worship of a human. Yes, thee human Jesus the Christ child, but still a man. Shouldn't our hearts and thoughts and focus be more on God, the spirit that lives within us and breathes life into us? The energy that surrounds us, is in everything that lives, created us, and loves us unconditionally. Judge me if you want but this is my journey.
So as these thoughts are rolling around in my head and I'm looking for signs and guidance from God a friend tells me about the belief that Jesus was actually a profit and that the stories of him giving the blind eyes to see and the deaf ears to hear was him opening their eyes and ears to the love of God. Not a physical healing but a spiritual. The things that he told me made some sense. Jesus would be more interested in healing our spirits than our bodies as our bodies are just vessels and our souls are the eternal essence of our life. It also made sense to me in a way because of my belief that not any one religion has gotten it right but that all religions have some truth to them. Somewhat like the unity church that takes ideals from all religions and collaborates them with Christianity as the basis.
I am finding it all very confusing. So many people can just believe what they've been taught through the ages passed on from ancestor to ancestor but I just can't. I'm sure it is partly to do with my problem with the catholic church and the fact that they made the Bible the way they wanted to and have hidden certain parts of it from the public eye. If they could hide parts of it why wouldn't there be a possibility that they could have changed it to suit their needs of wanting to be the supreme religion. In the words that you repeat in church from the hymnals you must say I believe in the Holy Catholic Church and I refuse to say that because I don't. I just don't. In my mind I relate the Catholic Church to the government. They sway things to serve their purposes and seem to me to be all about money. I could go on and on about my issues with the Catholic church such as  the fact that they worship the virgin Mary, an idol that is not God, and have made up all these angels that I've never seen in my Bible, but thats another blog all together. Frankly I feel that there is too much attention taken from God and more attention put on the church and their many rules and traditions.
We're talking about God here people. God, the supreme being, the energy and love within us. We fight wars in His name when He is of peace and love. How does that make any sense? How do we not question these things? Having faith is one thing but being stupid and ignorant is quite another. Its only through knowledge and our conversations with God that we can find the true answers.
So even after talking this out I am still confused on this issue of Jesus. I have great love for Jesus and see Him as an amazing being that opened so many eyes to God's love and His message continues to do so. My question still remains...is it right to put Him on such a high pedestal when our true creator is God the Father of us all? Can we only get to "heaven" through our eternal belief in a man that is said to be the son of God born of the Virgin Mary? Is He the son of God or is He a man who through his travels to earth reached an enlightened state of being and taught us all what He could before being taken home to God? Wherever that might be. Many would call my questions blasphemy but to me I think it is more blasphemous to God not to question what we are taught by humans. Especially if this life is about growing and learning about God and doing His will. How can we do that without searching inside of us for His truth in our lives. For some ignorance is bliss, for me ignorance is torture...like ignoring and entire portion of my being. I will update more on this subject as things come to me and God answers my questions within my heart. I hope that anyone reading this will also question what they've been taught if it is in their heart to do so and that you will also look inside you to God for the answers that you seek. Only He will bring you to the truth.
Namaste

I feel so sick and awful today. Not my pain but my heart. I'm hurting for some great friends of mine who are going through a horrible situation. I want to fight for them to get them out of it. I wish I could just snap my fingers and make it all better for them. Its so hard to watch others learn their lifes lessons. You feel so helpless and even when you know someone you care about is making the absolute wrong decision there is nothing you can do. You can't fight other peoples battles for them no matter how much you want to. They have to be willing to fight for themselves. I'm just so heartbroken for the whole family.
I could turn this into a message about growing and learning but right now I'm just to upset to write anything that would even make sense so I will just leave it with a message a friend wrote today. No matter how many times I am thrown down, I will find a way to stand. If it matters to you, then you must fight for it and never let go.

New Found Hope

I've recently moved from Ohio to Florida and have had a lot of changes in my emotional stability. I've been happier and able to fend off my depression that comes along with my chronic pain easier and it has me thinking "What could be causing this change?" It can't just be the change in weather or scenery although those things do help I'm sure. Being able to be closer to nature and not have to lock myself indoors 6 months out of the year to stay out of the cold is of course a big help but there is more. I can feel it inside. There has been a shift in my energy, in my familys energy. I can feel it around me like tiny surges of electricity. How can these amazing changes be happening since I left all my friends, my family, my home, the life I knew for so many years? What is happening here that was not happening there amongst so many that I loved and held dear to my heart?
Something pops into my head that a friend told me once. People will try to keep you where you are. They don't like it when you step out of your norm and will try to bring you back there. They may not even realize what they're doing but they just know that they don't like what is happening. You try to better yourself or begin growing and learning. Those that are not growing and learning or don't embrace that don't want others surpassing them or playing different roles in their lives than the roles they have been playing. If you don't submit to their pleas they will begin pushing you out of their lives because you no longer fit where they want you to. I think that this makes sense to me in this situation because I saw these things happening around me in the months before I left and I know its happened before. Every time I would try to learn and grow I would feel resistance from certain people around me. I succumbed to them several times, falling back into my old ways. My old destructive patterns. Slipping right back into the pain that I had been trying to let go of. Towards the last couple months before I left it seemed to be happening again but I refused to succumb. Then once I moved I was able to continue my path toward bettering myself. No one knew me or my past. I wasn't seeking anyones approval but my own. I was able to truly be me and I liked who I was...who I am, who I will be. No one was there to try to put me back in my place. My husband was there but he was in the same place as me. Wanting to be himself and learn and grow with his family.
I have also escaped the pity that was put on me with my chronic pain disorder. There were those who supported me, those who, understood or showed understanding, and those who showed me sympathy or pity. Support and understanding are amazing tools to use to help others in their journey no matter what life throws at them but pity...well pity keeps us stuck. Pity doesn't help us out of holes we've dug ourselves into, or heal our pain, depression, or anguish. Pity lets it fester. Helps you stay stuck in that hole or seclude ourselves with the pain. Which as anyone with pain knows its easy to seclude yourself and just live with your pain if your not careful. You allow the pain to become your friend...as sick as that sounds. You get comfortable with it and then don't know how to live without it. Not that you could even if you wanted to. Then the pity..."Poor poor Missy. She suffers sooo much. How sad a life she will have. What a dismal existence." When you hear these words enough, you begin to believe them. You let them become part of you. What a dismal existence indeed. This is not what God wants for me. He doesn't want me to just accept my suffering, my sadness. We are meant to overcome it. Pain is another obstacle, another opportunity to grow. It is in fact, a gift. I know, I know. What a way to think of something that brings so much suffering but the fact is we can choose how to live with it or better yet overcome it.
I think this pity that I was getting from so many was one thing holding me down. Helping me stay in that place of darkness and dismalness. Now don't get me wrong...I do not blame anyone for my being unhappy in Ohio. The fact is what I'm discovering is that it wouldn't have mattered in what state I lived. It seems the move was just a great transition for me to help me break out of my "dismal existence." True not being around it and hearing it or feeling it from others makes it easier to stay focused on overcoming my pain but I don't fault them for their way of dealing with what I was experiencing. Its hard for those who don't experience it to know how to comfort or feel about those that do. Even here I have had some moments where I sense others having a difficult time knowing how to feel about it. But honestly its not their burden to bear. They don't have to understand it. Yes, being supportive and understanding is definitely something a good friend or family member should do for their loved ones in times of crisis but some people just don't have the ability to deal with things like that very well. Having said that it is a great opportunity for those friends and family members to grow and learn by practicing being supportive and understanding. Asking questions, gaining knowledge, connecting with another persons soul. I have not yet felt pity from those around me now so maybe this is God allowing me to see something I had not seen before. How harmful pity can be and how uplifting a little understanding can be. Like there are fans in the background pushing me to keep going. And even if I have to fall a lot, which I kinda do, I will get back up and I will get out of that bed and I will continue my journey.

So, in conclusion, I have decided that yes, the weather and the beauty of Florida has great appeal, but ultimately I really think that maybe its all the success of this new and exciting path I've been given, the faith I have had through it, and the hope I have for tomorrow. May God bless your journey. Namaste.

Our search for happiness

Our eternal search for happiness. We all search for it. We all pray for it on bended knee at some point in our lives. Its what drives us through every day. We do all kinds of things trying to find it. We love for it, work for it, some even kill for it. We will do horrible hurtful things just trying to find that one thing that will bring us the happiness we long for. The majority of us are or have searched in all the wrong places. I personally have shamed myself, hurt others, been selfish, and stepped over others all in the name of wanting to be happy. All along all I had to do was look inside myself. It took many mistakes for me to figure that out. I kept looking on the outside or to other people telling them it was them that had to make me happy. When all along it was only me that could do that for myself. We put so much stock in things and other people. Some of us including me think that other peoples approval will give you what your looking for. I must say I still struggle with that one from time to time but truly we are all flawed and to accept someone else's flawed approval of you is just plain silly and will definitely not bring you happiness accept maybe for a moment.
I think that true happiness is when you discover who you really are, embrace it, and love it. You find God within you and the beauty of what only He can create. All the details are important. Each gift big and small that makes up who you are. Your body has nothing to do with any of it so for those of you thinking " if I were only skinnier, if I only had this color hair, if I only got that manicure or pedicure, if I could just make me skin smoother or get rid of my wrinkles" can stop thinking those things. Our bodys are merely the vessels we create to carry us through this reality. The inside is all that matters. The way we feel and give love, our talents, our truths, our hopes, the way we express ourselves, our knowledge and wisdom, our ability to comfort another person or our inability to do so. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We are each special in our own way....each of us given the strengths we need to get through our journey in the way that we are supposed to. I don't even believe that our weaknesses are really weaknesses. They are just another gift we are given as an opportunity to learn from this life. It doesn't matter what our strengths or weaknesses are. God will find us and show us the way. Every encounter we have is just another opportunity to find Him, to find happiness, to find love.

We could just keep walking through life and ignoring all these amazing signs we are being given and many of us do. We are sleep walkers. Just because we get out of bed does not mean that we are awake. We must truly awaken our souls. To find happiness we must awaken that deep place inside of us that the world tries to force us to keep asleep, look into the face of our creator, and release the energy inside of us. The energy we keep all balled up inside these bodies....trapped just waiting to be let out. That is true freedom, true love, true happiness. We use the word empty when we are unhappy. I don't believe we are truly empty because inside of us is where the answers lie. Maybe we are too full because it is once we release all that we have trapped inside of us that we feel relief. We pack down all the pain and push down all the feelings while at the same time packing all of this poison around our souls. Around the enlightenment that lies within us. We allow it to destroy us from within instead of pushing it out into the universe. We must breathe in all the positive energy that the world has to offer us and expel all the evil, all the hatred, all the negative and seething pain that we have been holding onto for so long. We are all dealing with things in our lives. Painful and hurtful things. The situations may look different but they are truly the same opportunities to learn and grow. To become pregnant with the love of our creator. We don't have to go through this alone. He is there and He gives us each other to help us through it. We are all balls of energy separated only by other smaller balls of energy and until we learn how to share those energies and see each other and ourselves for who and what we really are we will not find the happiness we are looking for. You are already full....just free yourself and you won't have to feel that "empty" feeling anymore. You will be happy and you will be free. Your questions will be answered.

Distractions

The things we do to distract ourselves on a moment to moment basis. Most of us use distractions to keep from having to think or feel pain or have to deal with tasks at hand. Then there are those of us that try to get rid of the distractions because we want to deal with them so that we can move forward but the distractions that we have previously created are always there struggling against us. Either way there is no balance. When our lives feel upside down more than likely there is no balance. We continue to allow distractions to take us away from the thoughts and emotions that we must let ourselves feel and work through. We give in because its easier than fighting against the world around us until eventually we stop trying to feel at all and just let life keep running us over. We release that voice inside us that tells us to work through our journey and hold our pain in. Our hurts, our losses, our anger. It all builds up and without release we become unbalanced, depressed, empty, and feel alone. The classic feelings of many in todays society. We sleepwalk through each day and just stick to our everyday distractions. We do what is expected of us by the world. Like drones we wonder through our day to day tasks. Running here and there, going to work, going to church, saving for that dream house, watching the news, discussing politics, joining the pta. All the while forgetting our soul purpose on this earth. The journey of spirit. Even when we go to church, the majority are just doing it because its what they've been taught is right and true. Its what someone else decided you should do, feel, and believe. Very few actually stop and really look inside for the answers they seek. Because to look inside is scary. Full of fear. Full of anger and sadness. To find the answers your looking for you have to stop letting your mind be cluttered with the mundane, look in your heart, and heal your wounds. Our wounds are like scar tissue clouding our true self. Covering up the spirit inside of us. We walk through our lives using good old common sense. The mind. It is a terrible thing to waste. But what about our hearts. Isn't that what truly matters? Everyone says: "Make sure your using your head." I say: "Use your heart" "They" tell you to use your head and not your heart because once you start using love to make your decisions you will no longer need them. We wouldn't need a government if we all thought and made our decisions with love. We wouldn't need the psychiatrists, the doctors, the police. If you want love then you must act with love. If you want peace, then you must act peaceful. How does our world truly believe that we will achieve peace with war? When you ask that question, does it really make any sense to you? It doesn't to me, and never has. Its just another distraction to keep us from seeing the truth and the real reality of life. We are all on a search here. A search for meaning to our lives. The God within is the meaning. The infinite power within us made of energy, vibrations....pure love. Pure light. As easy as it can sound....finding that balance, that love, that power...is overwhelming. You must go against all that you've been taught about looking outside for the answers and look in your own heart. The teachers, the priests, your own parents, can only teach you what they have been taught to teach you. It is your responsibility to seek the truth. Put the distractions aside, release the pain, breathe, and find your truth. Namaste.